My name is Stuart, and I need to tell you…


          …that it is my understanding that you and I are going to have the greatest of times playing guitar together.

          I started playing guitar as a very young man in the San Francisco Bay Area mostly to look cool, but soon realized that it actually made me feel cool. The more time I spent playing, the better I got and the cooler I felt, so I started bands, wrote songs, played shows, and kept practicing. Of course, I did quit a few times — a couple months in I decided power chords were impossible, so I was done; after a bad audition in high school I gave up playing entirely; in my early twenties I convinced myself I’d never make a living playing music so it was time to stop. But each time I quit, I stopped feeling cool… so I’d inevitably start back up again. I say “cool,” but it turns out what I really mean is confident, excited, and satisfied. Playing guitar made me feel happy.

Aww, that’s so sweet. So anyway, I need to tell you that after graduating from Berklee College of Music in Boston, I set up shop performing and teaching here in the North Bay. I’ve played countless gigs at venues such as Great American Music Hall, Yoshi’s Jazz Club, and Shoreline Amphitheater, recorded several albums with dozens of bands and artists, owned a music store, and taught over 50,000 lessons.

I also need to tell you that I’ve just spent the past 45 minutes trying to get ChatGPT to help me write this bio, and it has sincerely been one of the greatest experiences of my life. We shared a great time together full of fake back-and-forth, lots of laughs, and an honest but non-existent feeling connection — much like you and I will experience learning guitar together! I’m going to let ChatGPT wrap up this bio:

In conclusion, dear reader, if the mere prospect of plucking and strumming tickles your fancy or the thought of unearthing the mysteries of stringed instruments intrigues you, then I extend an invitation. Join me in this symphonic endeavor as we create a harmonious narrative, one where notes blend with jest, and melodies dance with mock-formal pomp. 🎶🎸 #StuartStringsAndStories

(I didn’t tell it to use emojis, that was all their idea. In fact, I had to repeatedly remind it not to use too many emojis.)

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